Accept challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.

Ive got a heart full of pain.

Head full of stress.

Handfull of anger.

Held in my chest.



Today reminded me why I dont really have anything to do with anyone from highschool. I have my family and a few select people I even bother spending time with. All I ever try to do is make other people happy and help other people who have a harder than I do. I try to be there in any way possible. I have a husband that cares, even though sometimes he doesnt act like it and I feel bad fot the people who pretty much have nothing, are going no where, or are just going through a rough time in their life...

and what do I get for it?

NOTHING!

I do not know why I feel like I need to be there and help people, when they do not feel the same way.

Why am I there for everyone else, but no one is there for me?

How many of the people that I have helped were there for me when I needed it?

How many could I call up right now if I needed help or if I just needed someone to talk to?

NONE!

I guess it comes down to...

Do not make someone a priority, when you are not even an option.

I do it because I care.

If I can make someone else feel better by being there then I have done my job.

I guess I cant do that anymore.

I know who appreciates what I do and I know the people who dont.

I do not need fly-by-night friends.

I need people that I can lean on when I fall.

"In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration."

~Ansel Adams

On another note...

Still no word on when I can expect to see my husband again.

Always waiting on someone else.

It's like...

Hurry up and wait (on someone else).

I am not happy with school.

Im not happy with what I "thought" I wanted to do as a career.

I really do not know what I want anymore.

Im starting to think Im never going to be happy with what I do because I want to do everything.

I need some guidence and I have no idea where to get it from.