Storms Make Trees Take Deeper Roots.

So tonight I am sitting here and thinking. Thinking about everything I have been through. These past (almost) 4 years have impacted my life more than anything else. The events during this time period made me who I am.

 Let's begin...

                                                     2008-

January:

I go through one of the hardest things that anyone can ever go through.

My heart is broken.

March:

Without warning. One morning I lost my mother.

Religious service for Malea Sue Rusch, 36, Park Avenue, Orange City, Fla., who died March 23, 2008, at Florida Hospital Fish Memorial, Orange City, will be 11 a.m. Friday, March 28, at Stetson Baptist Church, DeLand, with the Rev. Jeff Dowdy officiating. Visitation will be Friday from 10 a.m. until 11 a.m. at the church. Malea was born March 29, 1971, in Daytona Beach. She was a nurse for Mid-Florida Hematology & Oncology in Orange City. Malea enjoyed life, her family, scrapbook-ing, helping people, taking photos, family vacations (especially the Bahamas). She will be missed by everyone she touched. Malea married Edward Rusch, Jr. in December 1994. They met in high school and were high school sweethearts. She was a member of Stetson Baptist Church in DeLand. Survivors include her husband, Edward Rusch, Jr., Orange City; her parents, James and Patricia Kemp, DeLand; daughter, Ashleigh L. Rusch, Orange City; son, Brandon E. Rusch, Orange City; grandmother, Mary McAllister, Paisley, Fla.; aunt, Mary Ann Mueller, DeLand; uncle, Larry Cribbs, Georgia; and friends, Mohan L. Sharma, M.D., DeLand and G.R. Woodard, D.O., South Daytona. Altman-Long Funeral Home is in charge

Can my heart break anymore?

                                                   2009-

2009 was a pretty quite year. Other than being in a very unhealthy, mentally abusive relationship and still dealing with the pain from the previous year, things go pretty smoothly.

                                                   2010-

I held on to so many emotions and feelings from the past and I couldnt let go. There was only a matter of time before it would all come out.

March:

I guess you can say that I was trying to find myself. I had been lost for so long I did not know where to look. Even with the support from my family I still wandered. I made the mistake of moving out and just doing whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. No one could tell me what to do anymore. I had no rules, no curfew, no responsibilities. This was a bad time in my life and sometimes I wish I could take some of it back, but then again Im glad that I cant because these experiences are what made me into who I am today. Now that I look back on it, I did not like the person I was then.

"Remember those lives you've touched & those who touched yours are always a part of you. Even if the encounters were less than what you had wished, It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form."

April:

Still not living at home and just trying to survive...Little do I know things are about to turn around.

April:

I meet George.

I never thought this would have lasted. He completely changed me and my life around. He made me realize what I was doing and how it was affecting the people in my life. It was the first time in a long time that everything felt right and I knew that with him I could make it through anything. He was my rock, when I felt like I had no one else, he was there.

May:

Graduation:



(He was trying to fit me into his gown)

(Graduation Party)

June:

Spending our last month together before George leaves for bootcamp.

July:

George leaves July 13th for Ft.Sill, Oklahoma.



& Uh-oh guess who is...

Due March 2011.

  

Welcome To The World Baby Boy...

Brayden Tyler Ray. Born March 12th, 2011, 3:58 PM @ 38 wks.

A few hours after Brayden was born, he was taken to the NICU because of respitory distress.

Now, here is what gets me...Out of all of the girls that get pregnant in this town. All of the babies born to girls who drink and smoke and are careless while pregnant...Why did I...Someone who did not drink, did not smoke, did everything the doctors said...Still had a sick baby?

It just doesnt make sense to me.

Poor Brayden was in the hospital for a week after he was born. He was on a ventilator, he had a feeding tube, had multiple blood tests done, was under a UV light for jaundice and was recieving antibiotics continously through a IV and every 6 hours by injection.

A week later we were home.

George then had to go back to Germany and Brayden and I were left back home.

I didnt explain this earlier but George and I have been apart for quite some time now.

He left for bootcamp in July, I saw him at his Graduation in September. He stayed at Ft. Sill for AIT through October, Graduated from that in November. He came home, we got married and a week later he had to report to Germany. He got to come home for Brayden's birth and was here while Brayden was in the NICU. It has been almost 3 months since we have seen him, other than on Skype and in pictures.

He is going to be shocked to actually see in person how big Brayden has got in just 3 months.

Being apart has deffinantly put a strain on our relationship, but we are making it work.

I know we both love eachother and we both love our son, its just being apart that causes us to get angry and fight about the stupidest things.

"Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen."

"Our strength grows out of weakness and strength does not just come from physical capacity but an indomitable will. What does not completely destroy us makes us stronger."

"Anyone Can Give Up. It's Easiest To Do. But Holding It Together When Everyone Would Understand If You Fell Apart. That's TRUE Strength."

I know that this does not seem like a lot and a few of you might think that I am just feeling sorry for myself. But that is not the case at all. I know there are people out there who have been through so much more and have it way worse that I do/did. On the other hand there are people who have not been through nearly half of what I have been through. You will never understand my whole story until you live it yourself.

I guess the moral of the story is to never take your life for granted. You never know when it will be over.

Never take people you love for granted because you never know when they will be gone.

Once those people are gone there is no way for you to take back what you said or did to them.

You do not want to live a life full of regret.

Here is a thought... 

When you are gone, what do you want to leave behind?

"Be The Change You Wish To See In The World."

"Life's A Dance We Learn As We Go. Sometimes We Lead. Sometimes We Follow."