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Monday, July 18, 2011

It Never Fails...

I am always trying to make myself believe that for once, things will work out for me.
It never fails, something always gets in the way of my goals.
I do not understand how people who try to better themselves, get screwed over.
& people who sit around and do nothing with their lives, always get what they want and things are always working out for them.
This is a time that I need support, and the one person who should support me all of the time, acts like they don't even care.
Then they wonder why we are not as close as we used to be and why I don't tell them anything.
Why waste your breath on someone who acts like they don't care and you are bothering them by trying to get their support.

I am tired of people that only care about themselves.
If it is not about them, then it does not matter to them.
That's just not right.

I have decided to switch schools again and go back to my old major.
I feel like that is what I am meant to do.
But I feel like I am alone.

I am tired of always being there for other people, and none of them being there for me.

I gave up a lot of things in the last year and I have never once complained, but it is not fair that I am the only one making those sacrifices, while other people go on living their lives the way they want to live them.

This is a rough time for me, and I just want the support from that one person.

That's all for this blog.

Goodnight.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

"Man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life."

Wow, it feels like forever since I last blogged.

Things that have happened:

Brayden made a new friend...


His name is "Chico".




Brayden got a new high chair...


He looks so much like his daddy.



Brayden weighs about 16 lbs.


On the 3rd and 4th of July I took Brayden to see fireworks.



He liked watching them when he got used to the noise.


July 4th, 2011



Sunset before the fireworks.




Casey Anthony was found not guilty...


I really want to punch this woman in the face. If she did not kill Caylee herself then she knows who did it. I better not get into this anymore because this blog will take everyone 16 hours to read. What parent does not report a "missing" child for 31 days? What mother would let someone throw their child's body in the swamp? I really do not know how she can live with  herself. If anything ever happened to Brayden, I would be a mess. Not laughing and smiling and going out to party...She was more concerned about her own life and what she wanted, rather than her child. Well congrats Casey, now you can continue living your life without worrying about your child getting in your way of being a skank whore!

I got a new tattoo.


I got it to cover up the footprint I had on my back because it looked like crap.
Eventually, I will get Brayden's footprint again, somewhere else.

& the last shuttle launch.


It was too cloudy to see it lift off from my house so we watched it on the news.


Brayden the day of the launch.

It really amazes me how ignorant people are today and how people do not know what is going on around them. You would think that people would know more than they do with all of the technology and resources available to them...but they don't. Its like they live in a cave and never watch the news or anything.

What is this world coming to?


"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."

Saturday, June 25, 2011

It's The Little Things

This little boy just made my day. Sometimes the way he sleeps cracks me up.

Other than that Im not really in that great of a mood. Just making/selling my jewelry and doing school.

I really hate my english class. I do not know how you are supposed to have discussions with other classmates about adjectives and adverbs or the difference between well and good...come on. Give me a break.

Just when I start to get ahead something always happens to set me back. I really hate this feeling and I don't know what to do about it.

Other than that I do not really have anything to blog about today.

Again....
Welcome to the sunrise club!
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Thursday, June 23, 2011

You Take One Step Forward, Then Take Two Steps Back.

I have not been in this bad of a mood in a long time.
Today has been such a crap day. I had to sit on the phone with a tech guy from DELL for almost 4 1/2 hours, just to get a new software program and reset my computer back to the factory settings. So now I get to spend the next couple days downloading everything back on to my computer.

I really cannot stand people in this town anymore. Everyone seems to just be simple-minded and ignorant.
Seriously people? You have to back up traffic in the parking lot because you have to have the spot up front? You cant park three spaces down and walk?!

Laziness.

Im pretty sure that Brayden is about to start teething because he has been really fussy the last two or three days and trys to chew on everything, especially blankets.

So that makes the days wonderful!

I guess I better cut this blog short tonight.

"No one gets tired of loving, but everyone gets tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies and hurting."

"The Value Of An Idea Lies In The Using of It."

I do not have much to talk about in today's post. After posting my blog last night my computer crashed and everything was erased. All of my pictures, music, documents, programs...everything. So until I get the computer fixed I will be blogging from my phone.

I watched my God-Daughter, Payton for a few hours yesterday and let me tell you, she is quite a handful. She got my brother, Brandon to color in her "My Little Pony" coloring book that we got at the craft store.

While we were at the store she was picking up stuff and throwing it in my cart. Before we checked out I had to put back all of the items that Payton added to my cart without her noticing what I was doing. Luckily, I had my brother with me and he took her to the car while I paid.

It must be nice being a little kid. Everything and everyone is your favorite and you can change your mind as often as you want. It is sad to think that in the not-so-distant future she's going to start realizing that things aren't always going to be like they are now. Kids are forced to grow up way before their time these days.

There is still no word on when George will be home. It gets so old sitting here day after day waiting and waiting but never moving forward. This last year has been hell, thanks to the military and all of the bs we have had to deal with.

I'm still working on my jewelry and I want to make some candles but I can not find the materials in the regular craft stores.

I guess that is all for today.

"Love the life you live, live the life you love."
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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Different is Beautiful

I am really amazed by the amount of ignorance and lack of parenting people have these days. I do not know what it is but kids today are so much different that when I was younger. The bullying and name calling has never been this bad. I think that a big part of this ongoing trend in behavior is partially due to the desensitization from movies, music, and television. Kids see things on tv and think it is acceptable to act that way themselves. Well, this isn't Hollywood baby. The other part is from parents who do not make their children take responsibility for their actions. I would never let my child behave that way or be rude and disrespectful to anyone. And I will beat his butt if I ever find out he has acted that way to someone. Recently, I heard about how someone I have known pretty much my whole life was being called "retarded" by one of her sister's friends on Facebook. She is disabled but that is no reason for name calling. She deserves the same respect as anyone else. This reminded me of a similar story from not too long ago, a friend of mine was very upset because her son came home from school crying one day. He had been bullied and called names because he was overweight. That gave the other children no right to abuse him. Kids are so mean these days and they are just getting worse. I never remember the bullying and name calling be this bad when I was in school. The whole purpose for this random short post is to remind my readers that everyone is different and that is what makes life so beautiful. Life would be boring if we were all the same. People are scared of what they dont understand so sit down with your kids and address this growing issue. You should remind them that they should accept people for who they are. Young children are committing suicide because of how they are treated by others. Everyone is unique and everyone deserves to be treated with respect. If your children do not understand how their words and actions affect others, maybe it is time to sit down and talk with them about it. If this post has encouraged anyone to talk about this problem with their child or maybe it has influenced you to make the change as an adult then I have accomplished what I set out to accomplish. Just one person can make a difference. Have a great day.
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"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy all who hurt them."

"Children have to be educated, but they have also to be left to educate themselves."


This little boy is so smart. He sits there and watches us type on the computer then bangs on the keyboard himself. I really can not wait to see what he comes up with next.


He is on Facebook talking to all the ladies...:)
It is never a dull moment in this house with him here.

Today while watching the news/on Facebook, there were 3 stories that caught my attention.

The first one really hit home, I have always been protective over my younger brother and my cousins. (Even though they are boys). I didn't care who it was that was messing with them. I went into "Crouching Tiger Mode". But, now that I am a parent, it touched me a little more than maybe it would have before.

32 Child Predators Busted in Sex Sting.


It's the largest child predator sex sting in Central Florida.
Undercover detectives in Lake County went online posing as children and ended up catching 32 men trying to have sex with kids.
One after another, detectives took down the men who drove to a vacation rental home in the Four Corners area.
"These suspects came to that house with the intention of having sex with a child," Lake County Sheriff Gary Borders said. "Instead, they went to jail."
Borders said the detectives started chatting with and caught the men in less than a week.
Gregory Lawrence, who is a father who drove from Georgia to have sex with a child, was among them.
Deputies said he had his own two children with him, who are 6 and 8 years old.
Lawrence left them waiting outside in the car when he went up to the house, according to officers.   
Borders said the Department of Children and Families came to take the kids.
"It's bad enough that he's driving to Lake County to meet what he thinks is a child to have sex with, but to bring his own children with him, I think the best place for him is jail," Borders added.
Detectives went undercover onto websites and into chat rooms posing as children from between 9 to 14 years old.
They also pretended to be parents who agreed to let strangers have sex with their own kids for money.
"I would tell you that there is that type of real activity going on on the Internet," Borders warned parents. 
Deputies said Robert Nelson, another suspect, showed up with a gun hidden in his pants.
Detectives said some of the suspects arrived with M&M's and Skittles for the child they thought they were meeting.
"I think it's pretty scary considering we were there for just five days," Borders said. "I don't know if we were to continue that operation how many people that we would've put in jail, and that's why I just strongly remind the parents in our community that it's important to monitor their children's activity on the Internet."
Borders said some of the suspects have been arrested for sex offenses in the past. Others had no criminal history at all.
One suspect, Brian Weiss, also worked for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
A team representative said Weiss has been fired but did not say what he did for the team.
Deputies said the 32 suspects are all now facing felony charges of traveling to meet a child for sex and using their computers to try to make that happen.

Keep in mind that this was all done over a computer, which is why I can not stress how important it is to monitor your child's computer usage carefully. When I was younger I was always getting so mad at my parents for looking over my shoulder, watching what I was doing online. Now, I know it was just because they cared, not because they wanted to be all in my business. Some people do not have parents that care the way they should. I am not saying be a psycho-crazy parent and become paranoid but I am saying to keep an eye on what is going on. I swore that I would not be one of "those" parents who shelter their children for the entire lives but this is a different story. I dare someone to try and touch or harm my child. As the subject line says "Commit murder with smiles on their faces". I will say no more than that.

One of the men who was arrested had brought his two children with him. His children are 6 and 8 years old. He was arrested and DCF took custody of the children.

It sickens me to know that these MEN (thought) they were meeting children for sex!
What sick f**k gets enjoyment from this?!?

Some officers pretended to be parents who agreed to let strangers have sex with their own children for money! The Lake County Sheriff stated that there are actually people who do this to their kids! Are you serious? Does your child's mental/physical health mean nothing to these people?!?

Another suspect showed up with a gun hidden in his pants.
What would have happened if this was not a sting operation and he really did meet and have sex with a child? Would he have killed the child as well? Kidnapped the child so he would have sex with them all of the time? What?

Others showed up with candy, intended for the children they were meeting.
Some of these men arrested had a past sex offender history and some had no record at all.

Personally, I think that people who get off to children are sick and disgusting. They all deserve to be put on a deserted island with nothing and die. I also think that there is something mentally wrong with them. Maybe they were abused as a child and that has scared them or maybe they just like children...what it really is...we will probably never know.

California Mom Arrested After Baby Dies From Microwave.



SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA - 
Sacramento police arrested a 29-year-old mother Tuesday after an investigation found her baby likely died from burns suffered in a microwave oven.
Ka Yang was being held without bail in Sacramento County Jail on suspicion of murder and assault resulting in the death of a child.
She was arrested three months after her otherwise healthy 6-week-old daughter, Mirabelle Thao-Lo, was found dead in the family home on March 17.
Police described the child as suffering "extensive thermal injuries." Officer Laura Peck said the arrest took so long because investigators had to pinpoint what they believe is the cause of death by looking for other cases involving similar injuries.
They found three in the U.S., all after children were burned in a microwave: in Dayton, Ohio; Galveston, Texas; and New Kent County, Va.
"This is rare. The injuries were obviously very unique," Peck said. "There have been only three other documented cases in the entire country where the injuries were consistent with this case....Those children were also burned and placed in the microwave."
She said police do not know a motive. She did not believe Yang had an attorney, and none was listed in jail records.
"We wouldn't assess her mental condition. That will be up to the court system," Peck said. "The bottom line is no one knows what happened in that house but her and the little baby."
Yang has three other children, all under age 7, who were removed from the home the day their sister was found dead. They are now living with relatives.
Last month, China Arnold, of Dayton, Ohio, was sentenced to life in prison without parole for the 2005 microwave murder of her 28-day-old daughter, Paris Talley.
In 2008, Joshua Mauldin, of Galveston, Texas, was sentenced to 25 years in prison for severely burning his 2-month-old daughter in a microwave oven. The girl survived, but suffered second- and third-degree burns to her left ear, cheek, hand and shoulder. Part of her left ear had to be amputated, and she required several skin grafts.
In 2000, a Virginia woman was sentenced to five years in prison for killing her month-old son in a microwave oven. Elizabeth Renee Otte claimed she had no memory of putting her son in the microwave in 1999. Experts testified that Otte suffered from epilepsy and that her seizures were followed by blackouts.

This recent case sounds like severe Post-partum Depression. After just having a baby and having to take care of him pretty much on my own, I know how hard it can be and how upset I got but I NEVER thought about hurting my child and I would never hurt him, no matter how frustrated I got with him.
I do not think that the 5-25 year jail sentences are nearly enough punishment for what these people did to newborn babies. They need to suffer the same way their children suffered.
I just don't understand how someone could do this to their own flesh and blood.

Gavins Point Dam Increases Releases.

IOWA/NEBRASKA-
More Missouri River floodwater is heading this way.
Releases from Gavins Point Dam in northeast Nebraska will increase to 160,000 cubic feet per second by Thursday as a result of continued rain in South Dakota — where as much as 6 inches fell recently — and northern Nebraska.
The corps is currently releasing a record 150,000 cfs from the dam, causing widespread flooding along the river in eastern Nebraska and western Iowa and further downstream.
The higher flows are not expected to cause the river to rise significantly at Omaha, said Monique Farmer, a corps spokeswoman. The river was 5.5 feet above flood stage Tuesday at Omaha.
The impact of an additional discharges will result in the river rising 8.4 to 12 inches at Sioux City, Iowa, and 3.6 inches to 4.8 inches from Omaha to Rulo, Neb.
Farmer said river levees that have been hardened or heightened to defend against flows based on the 150,000 cfs releases should operate fine under the increased flows.
Corps officials have been ramping up releases since late May to flush historic and unprecedented floodwater out of six reservoirs in the northern plains.
Officials planned to hold Gavins Point releases at 150,000 cfs for an extended period of time, said Brig. Gen. John McMahon, commander of the Northwestern Division.
“Unfortunately, recent rains have reduced our flexibility, and we must evacuate these flood waters to manage the remaining flood control storage in the reservoir system,'' he said Tuesday. “As we've stated all along, heavy rain storms could result in major revisions.”
The corps is working with state and local emergency management teams to identify potential flood areas, provide residents with current information and help protect vital infrastructure.
“This continues to be a very dynamic situation and dangerous at the same time,” McMahon said. “People along the river are encouraged to make evacuation plans to protect their possessions and property.''
Flooded areas are expected to be inundated for several months.
Jody Farhat, the corps water management chief in Omaha, said rainfall is once again erasing most of the flexibility designed into dam operations this year.
She said the corps continues to evaluate the amount of water entering the system and will revise plans as needed.
Gavins Point will increase releases by 5,000 cfs over two days. The 160,000 cfs level will be attained by Thursday and remain at that level through August.

This whole situation is ridiculous! While other places are in a severe drought, they are flooding perfectly good farm land. So many people are going to be affected by this and people could possibly lose their homes and land to flood waters. This is a man-made flood, it could be controlled but the people who made this decision choose not to. Sacrifice little towns to save bigger towns. It is not fair. My Aunt is being affected by this decision, we are waiting and hoping that she does not lose her house to this poorly made decision. Especially because the decision was just made to increase the amount of water being let out. (Cross your fingers).
If it were up to me, I would suck up water from inside the dam with water trucks and take it to places (like Florida) who really need it. Considering just last week a large portion of Florida was on fire due to no rain.


"When one door closes, a window opens so you can jump out."

So now that I am done ranting about the news...

When did everyone develop such sucky personalities?

In these last 2 days I have realized something that has probably been keeping me from getting a job.
Today's employers mostly only hire employees with NO personality and no idea how to do their jobs.
So, next time I apply for a job or have a interview I need to have no personality, no enthusiasm, and no knowledge about the job I applied for. It infuriates me. People be grateful you have a job!
There are some people out there that would kill for your jobs and would be happy doing them.


Random Fact #3:
"Scientists suggest that stress is part of the evolutionary drive because it has enabled humans to survive. Specifically, stress temporarily increases awareness and improves physical performance."

To find what you seek in the road of life, the best proverb of all is that which says:
"Leave no stone unturned."

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."

Today we took Brayden in the pool again. He seemed to like it more today that he has before.


He was kicking his little legs and laughing.


This little boy makes me so happy.
It is never a dull moment, because you never know what he is going to do next.

Also, today I discovered a new obsession...



"Roux Fanci-Full Rinse temporary hair color. Keeps hair color looking its best between color treatments. Evens tones and removes brassiness. Blends away gray. Color is instantaneous and non-damaging. Added styling lotion allows for coloring and styling in one easy step. 15oz container.
Shampoo hair. Rinse well. Towel dry. Using rubber gloves, raise applicator tip of bottle and apply close to hair. Work color through hair with fingers, then comb through to ensure even distribution and saturation of every hair strand. Blow dry and style as desired."

You can buy this brand at Sally's Beauty Supply Store.

I used the "Frivolous Fawn" hair color.

I am VERY happy with the way my hair turned out.



Since I am having a hard time coming up with things to blog about, I decided that today I was going to talk about my "10 Guilty Pleasures". Some of these are new, and some are not.

#1: Craft  Stores


I am completely obsessed with craft stores. It is rare for me to bypass a craft store if it is on the way to wherever I am going. If I have the money, you bet I will be at a craft store or buying some kind of craft supplies.

#2: Taking Pictures


I LOVE taking pictures or having my picture taken. I have always liked photography but have started taking so many pictures ever since my son was born. If there is something interesting to take pictures of, I'm probably the person standing in your way blocking your view just so I can get the picture I want. Sorry :)

#3 Coffee Frappuccinos'
(Especially from DD)

This has been an ongoing addiction. It got so bad at one point that I would get headaches if I did not have caffeine. Going out and grabbing on of these drinks was getting old really fast and I was spending too much money of coffee, so I learned to make my own and they are just as good.
(see: "Parenthood, Coffee, & Lies/Liars blog).

# 4,5, & 6:
Make-up, Nail polish, & Hair Dye (Temporary)


I do not know where this obsession came from, other than having nothing but time to play around with different things but I am always being sucked into the make-up isles at the store.


I have always had a thing for nail polish. It is just something you can change all of the time and it is easy to do. OPI is my favorite brand. It is a little more expensive that other nail polish but you are getting what you pay for.


This last one is recent. It is just something else to change up and play around with. I now prefer temporary hair color over permanent. Temporary hair color has no harsh chemicals and does not damage your hair like permanent hair dye does. After dying my hair for awhile, I am not ready to commit to anything BUT temporary, especially now that I have grown my hair back out.

# 7: Tanning


This one is pretty self-explanatory. I love the sun. Always have, always will, end of story.

#8: Texting

This is another one that needs no explanation. Who doesn't text these days?

#9: Baby Stuff


There is so much cool stuff out there for today's babies/children and their parents. It is kind of hard not to get crazy while shopping.

#10: Facebook & Blogger


I am ALWAYS logged into Facebook. I do not know why I am so addicted to it. It's not like I talk to anyone on there anyway.


This is the latest and greatest. I feel like I have to post a new blog every night. I need to find some other topics to blog about. HELP!


With that said...
Random Fact #2:
"Researchers have noted that infants who had early accelerated head growth were at risk for autism."

"What Worries You, Masters You." ~ Haddon W. Robinson

*Hopefully I can find something more interesting to blog about tomorrow*

Goodnight.

Monday, June 20, 2011

"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage."

So let me tell you...


How much I love being thrown up on.

How much I love when my son burps right in my face.

&

How much I love getting baby poop smashed between my fingers.

How much I love being in public with a screaming baby.

How much I love doing 47 loads of laundry every 3 days.

How much I love being a "temporary single parent".

But the sad thing is...

If I didn't go through this kind of stuff everyday I would not know how to function.

I'm not going to know what to do when I have the help from Brayden's daddy.

Just because I am used to doing it all by myself.

But he is worth every second.

"Because kid, you are my world."


Today's D.I.Y project was...

Making our own frappuccinos.
When you buy a frappuccino from a coffee shop you can spend anywhere between $3-$6.
This can add up very quickly. This recipe will make (1) 24 oz. serving or (2) 12 oz. servings.

Ingredients:

1 1/4 cup of strong coffee (Cold)
1 cup of milk
5 tablespoons of chocolate syrup
1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
2 1/2 cups of ice.

You will need:

A blender.

Directions:

Brew strong coffee.
Chill the coffee in the refrigerator until it is cold.
Combine cold coffee, milk, sugar, chocolate, vanilla extract, and almond extract in a blender and blend for 1 minute on low to dissolve sugar.
Add ice and blend on high until ice is crushed and drink is smooth.


Pour into glass and serve with straws.


If you like coffee, then you will like these. They are quick and easy to make.

Random Fact: I hate liars and being lied to.


"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

I will never really understand why people always have to lie. No matter who it is. It is even worse when it is family that lies to you. Just goes to show that you cannot trust very many people.

When you lie, all trust is lost. Trust is not something that you can get back in a day. It takes a long time, and you just might not ever get it back, depending on the lie and how serious it is.
The worst thing is when people lie about things that wouldn't be that big of a deal if you would have just told the truth. Is lying about little, stupid things really worth losing someones trust? I don't think so. Some people say that it is ok to tell "white lies", well not in my book.
A lie is a lie no matter how big or small.
Little lies turn into big lies.
When someone gets away with a few lies, they feel like they can always tell lies and get away with them.

If you don't want to do something just say so, don't make up stupid stories that make no sense, lies that sound made up just to avoid doing those things.

So next time you decide to lie, just remember...

"No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar."

Friday, June 17, 2011

Accept challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.

Ive got a heart full of pain.
Head full of stress.
Handfull of anger.
Held in my chest.


Today reminded me why I dont really have anything to do with anyone from highschool. I have my family and a few select people I even bother spending time with. All I ever try to do is make other people happy and help other people who have a harder than I do. I try to be there in any way possible. I have a husband that cares, even though sometimes he doesnt act like it and I feel bad fot the people who pretty much have nothing, are going no where, or are just going through a rough time in their life...

and what do I get for it?

NOTHING!

I do not know why I feel like I need to be there and help people, when they do not feel the same way.
Why am I there for everyone else, but no one is there for me?

How many of the people that I have helped were there for me when I needed it?
How many could I call up right now if I needed help or if I just needed someone to talk to?

NONE!

I guess it comes down to...

Do not make someone a priority, when you are not even an option.

I do it because I care.
If I can make someone else feel better by being there then I have done my job.
I guess I cant do that anymore.

I know who appreciates what I do and I know the people who dont.
I do not need fly-by-night friends.
I need people that I can lean on when I fall.

"In wisdom gathered over time I have found that every experience is a form of exploration."
~Ansel Adams

On another note...

Still no word on when I can expect to see my husband again.
Always waiting on someone else.
It's like...

Hurry up and wait (on someone else).

I am not happy with school.
Im not happy with what I "thought" I wanted to do as a career.

I really do not know what I want anymore.

Im starting to think Im never going to be happy with what I do because I want to do everything.

I need some guidence and I have no idea where to get it from.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Storms Make Trees Take Deeper Roots.

So tonight I am sitting here and thinking. Thinking about everything I have been through. These past (almost) 4 years have impacted my life more than anything else. The events during this time period made me who I am.

 Let's begin...

                                                     2008-

January:

I go through one of the hardest things that anyone can ever go through.

My heart is broken.


March:

Without warning. One morning I lost my mother.

Religious service for Malea Sue Rusch, 36, Park Avenue, Orange City, Fla., who died March 23, 2008, at Florida Hospital Fish Memorial, Orange City, will be 11 a.m. Friday, March 28, at Stetson Baptist Church, DeLand, with the Rev. Jeff Dowdy officiating. Visitation will be Friday from 10 a.m. until 11 a.m. at the church. Malea was born March 29, 1971, in Daytona Beach. She was a nurse for Mid-Florida Hematology & Oncology in Orange City. Malea enjoyed life, her family, scrapbook-ing, helping people, taking photos, family vacations (especially the Bahamas). She will be missed by everyone she touched. Malea married Edward Rusch, Jr. in December 1994. They met in high school and were high school sweethearts. She was a member of Stetson Baptist Church in DeLand. Survivors include her husband, Edward Rusch, Jr., Orange City; her parents, James and Patricia Kemp, DeLand; daughter, Ashleigh L. Rusch, Orange City; son, Brandon E. Rusch, Orange City; grandmother, Mary McAllister, Paisley, Fla.; aunt, Mary Ann Mueller, DeLand; uncle, Larry Cribbs, Georgia; and friends, Mohan L. Sharma, M.D., DeLand and G.R. Woodard, D.O., South Daytona. Altman-Long Funeral Home is in charge

Can my heart break anymore?

                                                   2009-

2009 was a pretty quite year. Other than being in a very unhealthy, mentally abusive relationship and still dealing with the pain from the previous year, things go pretty smoothly.

                                                   2010-

I held on to so many emotions and feelings from the past and I couldnt let go. There was only a matter of time before it would all come out.

March:

I guess you can say that I was trying to find myself. I had been lost for so long I did not know where to look. Even with the support from my family I still wandered. I made the mistake of moving out and just doing whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. No one could tell me what to do anymore. I had no rules, no curfew, no responsibilities. This was a bad time in my life and sometimes I wish I could take some of it back, but then again Im glad that I cant because these experiences are what made me into who I am today. Now that I look back on it, I did not like the person I was then.

"Remember those lives you've touched & those who touched yours are always a part of you. Even if the encounters were less than what you had wished, It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form."

April:

Still not living at home and just trying to survive...Little do I know things are about to turn around.


April:

I meet George.


I never thought this would have lasted. He completely changed me and my life around. He made me realize what I was doing and how it was affecting the people in my life. It was the first time in a long time that everything felt right and I knew that with him I could make it through anything. He was my rock, when I felt like I had no one else, he was there.

May:

Graduation:


(He was trying to fit me into his gown)


(Graduation Party)

June:

Spending our last month together before George leaves for bootcamp.

July:

George leaves July 13th for Ft.Sill, Oklahoma.


& Uh-oh guess who is...


Due March 2011.


  

Welcome To The World Baby Boy...

Brayden Tyler Ray. Born March 12th, 2011, 3:58 PM @ 38 wks.

A few hours after Brayden was born, he was taken to the NICU because of respitory distress.

Now, here is what gets me...Out of all of the girls that get pregnant in this town. All of the babies born to girls who drink and smoke and are careless while pregnant...Why did I...Someone who did not drink, did not smoke, did everything the doctors said...Still had a sick baby?
It just doesnt make sense to me.


Poor Brayden was in the hospital for a week after he was born. He was on a ventilator, he had a feeding tube, had multiple blood tests done, was under a UV light for jaundice and was recieving antibiotics continously through a IV and every 6 hours by injection.

A week later we were home.


George then had to go back to Germany and Brayden and I were left back home.

I didnt explain this earlier but George and I have been apart for quite some time now.
He left for bootcamp in July, I saw him at his Graduation in September. He stayed at Ft. Sill for AIT through October, Graduated from that in November. He came home, we got married and a week later he had to report to Germany. He got to come home for Brayden's birth and was here while Brayden was in the NICU. It has been almost 3 months since we have seen him, other than on Skype and in pictures.

He is going to be shocked to actually see in person how big Brayden has got in just 3 months.

Being apart has deffinantly put a strain on our relationship, but we are making it work.

I know we both love eachother and we both love our son, its just being apart that causes us to get angry and fight about the stupidest things.

"Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen."

"Our strength grows out of weakness and strength does not just come from physical capacity but an indomitable will. What does not completely destroy us makes us stronger."

"Anyone Can Give Up. It's Easiest To Do. But Holding It Together When Everyone Would Understand If You Fell Apart. That's TRUE Strength."

I know that this does not seem like a lot and a few of you might think that I am just feeling sorry for myself. But that is not the case at all. I know there are people out there who have been through so much more and have it way worse that I do/did. On the other hand there are people who have not been through nearly half of what I have been through. You will never understand my whole story until you live it yourself.

I guess the moral of the story is to never take your life for granted. You never know when it will be over.
Never take people you love for granted because you never know when they will be gone.
Once those people are gone there is no way for you to take back what you said or did to them.
You do not want to live a life full of regret.

Here is a thought... 
When you are gone, what do you want to leave behind?

"Be The Change You Wish To See In The World."

"Life's A Dance We Learn As We Go. Sometimes We Lead. Sometimes We Follow."